Retrospect 5: Asking Questions

A significant part of my recent trip was spending time in the mountains writing with a new friend. She is a good writer..and even better, a mentor. She helped me deepen into the art of asking questions. This inquiry process, based on the Diamond Approach by Almaas was a rich part of our week together. Some quotes I will remember..

"You love yourself when you are willing to ask the questions of yourself and care and believe in the answers." Sherry Anderson.

Not a definition of self-love I have entertained before.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing it, doesn't go away." Phillip K. Dick

"There is a stepping back from a belief before there is a stepping into a belief."

John Prendergast.

And finally a poem by Rumi:

Zero Circle

Be helpless, dumbfounded

Unable to say yes or no.

Then a stretcher will come

from grace and gather us up

We are too dull-eyed to see that beauty.

If we say Yes we can, we're lying.

If we say No, we don't see it

that No will behead us

and shut tight our window onto spirit.

So let us rather not be sure of anything

beside ourselves and only that, so

miraculous beings come running to help.

Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute

we shall be saying, finally

with tremendous eloquence, Lead us.

When we have surrendered totally to that

beauty,

we shall become a mighty kindness.

I am surrendering to the beauty of questions...or at least I am now aware how beautiful they are.

In Retropspect 4: Hot springs

Isn't the Internet wonderful at times? As we headed along the Eastern Sierras, I looked up 'hot springs' on my iPhone, only to be rewarded with detailed instructions to little, out-of-the-way, non-commercial hot springs sites. It was just the kind of exploring we like--"take the road by the green church, then the first right by a rock. Go down a bumpy road and turn after the second cattle guard."

The first hot spring, Hot Creek, was SO hot, they had fenced it off after several incidents when the surging geothermal waters had scalded people. But the other two were heavenly. It was sunny but the wind was cold, making the hot springs even more appealing.

Retrospect 3: A Love of Labyrinths

I attended my first labyrinth gathering in Taos, New Mexico in late October. I have long been intrigued by this meditative way of walking an ancient pattern, a pilgrim's way. I have built 4 permanent labyrinths and innumberable temporary ones--in sand on beaches, with chalk on floors, in freshly fallen snow. So it seemed time to join with others who are attracted to this way of making prayer and making peace.

There is much to say about the gathering, connecting both the universe around us and the universe within. I will remember the many ways I was shown to use the labyrinth for healing, for peace, and for enlightenment. Its circular patterns were a constant reminder of the fact that we are all in a human circle around this dear Earth. and never to be fooled by the illusion that somehow we are separate or opposite.

I will particularly remember the opening ceremony with one of the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers, Flora DeMayo, who led us in a labyrinth made of corn while we sang a Navajo lullaby.

In Retrospect 2

It seems like the gems of a road trip should be shared..those unexpected places of beauty and connection. On our way down to New Mexico, it was the surprise of the Snake River canyon in Twin Falls, Idaho, the snug campground in Snow Canyon near St. George, Utah, the sun-drenched red sandstone of the Escalante area, Capitol Reefs and the general stunning beauty of Hwy. 12. These places have edged out the Grand Canyon in my heart for favorite sites in the Southwest. The rocks and stone on this trip kept talking to us, all in competition for best of show. We could never wrap our heads around the numbers..the millions of years old, the volcanic eruptions, the plate upheavals that pushed the floor of the oceans into mountains. It is a great lesson to humility, to note their long endurance and our few short years here to witness them. We will return to this area and spend more time.

In Retrospect

Here I am, unable to know where to start, wishing I had persevered and blogged along the way on the road trip from Alaska to New Mexico from Oct. 1 to Nov.5. Do I go back and start posting pictures of all we saw? Do I tell you all the places of wonder and again, awe? I only know I kept wanting to break into "America the Beautiful." I want to write about are the moments of insight, the things that are still rumbling around in my brain, still mumbling to be said. But okay, I have to share a few photos of the wildlife right alongside the road as we drove through Canada on the Alcan. It was like being in a wildlife park. How fortunate we are to still be able to see bears and bison, elk and sheep, caribou and moose. They are so completely themselves without pretense. I often watch them and watch them and watch them just to learn how to become like them...at home in the wild world, sure of daily purpose, moving with fluid beauty and present to the moment--always aware of danger but not daunted in living out their lives.

I once watched a mother moose with a calf at the edge of a lake, drinking. What remained with me is how unhurried and intentionally she moved, how she considered the next step, how she waited until all seemed right before moving back into the brush. The image comes back to me when I notice I'm rushing about, tense inside, my mind cluttered. Before leaving, she turned and looked straight at me for a while, considering me as I considered her. I imagined she sighed, hoping as all mothers do, that we learn our lessons but not with too much pain.

The Awe of it All

I've slowly become a contemplative in these past years--a leaning into silence, an acceptance of God as Mystery, a slowing down to look more carefully, an awareness of staying in the present. Recently, a presenter defined contemplation as "Wow." He went on to explain that a contemplative person is gifted with a capacity for wonder and awe--whether with another person or alone, whether at work or play, whether at a computer screen or out in nature.

To me, being out in nature, especially this time of year, is like being given the 'Go' card to practice contemplation. I feel as if I'm walking around saying, "Wow." "Wow." "Wow." Words cannot hold it all. The white trunks of birches against the golden leaves. The red red cranberries on the shiny ovate leaves. The glint of Eagle River as it slows down again. The surprise of snow on the peaks again. Rustling leaves on the path. The distant call of geese migrating south.

Contemplation is a 'lifting of the heart to God in a stirring of love," says Wm. Menniger, Trappist monk. The tree outside my window blazes in the morning light. Yes, this kind of love.

Repetition Is Not Failure

This title comes from a meditation by Mark Nepo in his daily meditation, The Book of Awakening:

" there is no expected pace for inner learning. What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over, no matter how many times we have to learn the same lesson.We fall down as many times as we need to, to learn how to fall and get up. We fall in love as many times as we need to, to learn how to hold and be held. We misunderstand the many voices of truth as many times as need to, to truly hear the choir of diversity that surrounds us. We suffer our pain as often as is necessary for us to learn how to break and how to heal. No one really likes this, of course, but we deal with our dislike in the same way, again and again, until we learn what we need to know about the humility of acceptance." (p. 312)

These words come as balm for someone who 'falls again and again'. Having suffered for some years now with back pain, I take heart in his words as well. It is only very recently that instead of trying to get control of my back pain through posture, exercise, yoga, meditation, ergonomics, breathing, 'chi' walking, body work, healing prayer and proper rest, that I had the thought, "It is what it is. Instead of resisting, accept it as a teacher in your life." It has taught that lesson that I continue to learn very repetitively, "I don't have control over this."

It is not that I think all I have done was for naught or ill-advised. Those practices were all preparing me for this acceptance. Yet, as he said, 'not that I like this." So that is my next step!