The Advice of Air

The second in the series of Learning to Listen workshops that we have been offering as part of training at the Listening Post( see prior post The Way of Water) was grounded in the element of Air. Unlike, Earth, Water or Fire, it is invisible. Yet it is the element so closely related to life and to death--the first intake of breath as a baby is born; the vigil of waiting for a person to take their last breath. So although we acknowledged air in the wind of hurricanes or a gentle breeze, and the quality of air being cool and crisp or warm and humid, the basis of the retreat focused on air as breath.
We listened to our breath in breathing, felt it expand our abdomens, ribs and clavicles, sang it in chants and meditated on the 'color' of our breath in the moment. Air--mysterious and invisible, powerful and ever-present. We trust that air is always there is breathe--and the same air is breathed by all persons, in all places no matter of race, religion,rank or culture.
It is this element of trust that we examined in the listening exercise called the Listening Stick, by Kay Lindahl who talks about it in her book Practicing the Sacred Art of Listening.
I was apprehensive about the exercise; basically, it relied on a deep trust in inner listening. The exercise was to ask: "What is the question that wants to be asked?" Wait 20 seconds, then hand a stick (pencil or pen) to a person in the triad and ask the question that came up in that 20 seconds. In our case, we started with "What takes your breath away?"
After the person repeats the question, only personalizing it this time to, for instance, "What takes MY breath away?", the person has 20 seconds to think about the question and then speak. The other two persons in the triad only listen without comment. After five minutes, the person speaking waits to see what question wants to be asked and hands the stick to the next person and asks the question that has arisen. The question has to be open-ended, such as, "What gives you joy?" or "How do you know you are loved?" Personally, I was uncertain that I could come up with the 'question that wanted to be asked.' It seemed like an almost preposterous idea. We could come up with a 'question that wants to be asked?' 'In 20 seconds?'
And yet, I was to discover, it was quite natural.
I am still in awe of the questions that were asked and how appropriate they were to the person receiving it. In the five small groups, no one had trouble finding the question in 20 seconds. And the people receiving it, sometimes had their 'breath taken away' by the question. Questions cames up like, "How does a sense of humor save your day?" "What makes you sad?" Later when we talked about the process, all of us were stunned by how it had worked--that there was an inner voice that could sense the question the other person needed. since we repeated the exercise twice in the same small group, some noted that the second time around, the questions got even more nuanced and insightful.
I encourage you to try it with a friend. It's hard to believe how you can listen in this way by explanation only. And yet I now trust these questions, this inner knowing and listening are powerful and always present to us, like the element of Air.
by the way--what takes my breath away? Surprising and sacrificial acts of kindness. What takes yours away?